Pigs In Space: Final Generation
by Mcampb20
Summary: Young Link Hogthrob is enrolled in the SLOP (Space, Loves, Our, Pigs) initiative in order to better make something of his life. Learn the story of how he ruins and redeems himself to First Mate Piggy and rangepork in this origin satory of Piiiigs IIIn Spaaaaaace.


Pigs In Space: Final Generation

SLOP, the "Space, Loves, Our, Pigs" initiative, was first brought into fruition in 1970 as another one of President Nixon's "bright ideas". The idea that the common pig possess the capability of successful space travel was seen as impossible to the mass majority, that is, until little ham bone was shot into the atmosphere in early '71 in a US dispatch ship, and returned home safely after 72 hours. Thus SLOP was born. The common farmhouse pig could be drafted and trained for interstellar travel, benefiting the United States government in both exploration and innovation, or so one would have assumed, considering the positive results of the first few years of SLOP. But all that would change after the draft of one particular pig in 1976.

Link Hogthrob, an Illinois native farm pig was always the outcast of his family. Though he took great joy in wallowing in the mud and eating swill, he could often be found staring into a mirror for hours trying to get his hair right. Link's mother was always greatly concerned about him, not just because of his mild vanity, but because of the fact that he was also a complete moron. At times Link could found running away from the "strange pig" he saw when he looked in the mirror. Link's mother how no explanation for his slow-witted nature, if anything she herself was your average pig, and Link's father had been a first class SLOP officer up until his untimely death in a freak bacon grease accident. Because of the high respects Link's father received at the SLOP academy, his mother believed she could pull some strings to get him admitted in. Soon he would be boarding a bus and journey all the way to the SLOP academy in Florida. He would suck his thumb the entire trip.

When he finally arrived at the SLOP academy he found himself at a standstill at the door. He was completely enamored by all the technology, and just by the fact that he hadn't ever seen so many pigs before in one place. He takes one step forward and immediately trips the female pig crossing his path. She drops the large stack of papers she was carrying which immediately slide toward an air vent and are blown all over the foyer.

"Nice going fat feet." she said" I worked all week on that first mate admissions paper!"

Piggy was among the few female pigs that were admitted into the SLOP program, for multiple reasons. One being that those who founded the program wanted to make sure that the pig population on earth stayed consistent. Another being that male pigs are prone to be easily distracted, and the last thing the program needs is accidents caused by hormonally distracted pigs. Piggy, however, was not going to let this stop her. It was her goal to become the first female pig officer in slop history. It was that "go getter" attitude, and a good right hook, that had gotten her to where she was. And now, on the day of her admissions paper being due she finds herself with nothing to turn in.

"Well don't just stand there, help me pick it up."

Piggy and Link scramble on the floor to pick up the few papers that were left around the foyer. Piggy ultimately came to the conclusion that there wasn't enough remaining for it to be a suitable submission and felt herself start to get a little down.

"Aw don't feel too bad," said Link. "Tell you what, to help you feel better I'll give you something that would make any woman in your position happy. A date with me, what do you say?"

Appalled that he would bring up dating at a time like this, Piggy clenches her first and slugs Link across the room. He knocks into a middle aged pig carrying a strange contraption.

"Say, what's the big idea? You almost wrecked my invention." said the middle aged pig.

The pig in question was , a German pig scientist who came to the SLOP program in hopes that his ideas could help better it. Though his engineering and craftsmanship were about average, his ideas for inventions were below standard. Creating such machines as the "apple-to-orange" ray, or "pig invisibility pills". The board of engineering had yet to still give him approval on any of his inventions, but he believed that today things would be different.

"What is that funny looking thing?" ask Link.

"This little beauty is my new retrieval unit, the vacuu-tron 100." said Strangepork." All you do is set what you want it to retrieve and it uses suction power to retrieve it."

Piggy, after over hearing the whole conversation runs over to chime in on the conversation.

"Hold up there Strangepork, can this hunk of junk retrieve the rest of my paper?"

"Of course, is a pig's tail curled?"exclaimed Strangepork.

They immediately rush over to the offices where Piggy was supposed to turn in her paper. When the dean of admissions asks why she was late for her appointment she explains the hold up and then instructs Strangepork to fire up the machine. He sets his invention for "paper products" and then flips the switch.

At first a few pieces of paper go flying into the nozzle of the vacuu-tron, but then the load begins to steadily increase in numbers and speed. Soon it was sucking up anything with a three classroom radius. Desks, chairs, and even a fellow SLOP trainee was trapped inside vacuu-tron. When instructed to turn it off, Strangepork pointed out that the off switch was stuck, to which LInk thought he could help and in the process pulled the off switch off entirely. The vacuu-tron was now engulfing objects at a rapid speed until it was full to the brim, and then finally it exploded with all objects inside either mangled or shredded.

The room was left with holes in the walls, burnt wall paper, and four singed pigs, five if you count the SLOP trainee who was blasted out and landed on the dean. When the dean finally gained consciousness he was so angry he was steaming, and that mixed with the smell of his burnt body put a slight aroma of bacon in the air. He stated that not only was Miss Piggy's chances of becoming a SLOP officer destroyed, but that they would all have to work to make up for the damage they caused.

For The next three months they were to be the cleaning crew for the SwineTrek, one of the classic model ships used in the early days of the SLOP program. It had been inactive for years, and was mostly used for tours. Every night they were to get it in shape for the next day, and that punishment was effective immediately. The three of them headed down to the SwineTrek that same night, loaded with cleaning supplies, and the vacuu-tron. Strangepork consider that it could at least still serve a function as a regular vacuum cleaner. Piggy and Strangepork separated the chores between themselves. When Link asked what he was supposed to do, Piggy threw a ship manual in his face and told home to stay out of the way.

Link read the SwineTrek manual at his extremely slow pace, until he eventually fell asleep on the floor. Piggy once again tripped over his body and fell flat on her snout, at this point she had had enough.

"Alright that's it", said Piggy," You're the reason we have to clean piece of scrap metal, if it wasn't for you I'd be a respected officer by now instead hanging out with two losers like you and Strangepork."

Link opened his eyes slightly and asked if she could keep it down, considering he was trying to sleep. At that point Piggy completely lost it and charged at him. Link quickly hopped to his feet and darted for the control room of the SwineTrek. Strangepork followed behind out of curiosity. After dodging a few of Piggy's blows, she finally let out one good karate chop and sent him flying into the control panel. He bumped into the ignition of the SwineTrek and set it into orbit. They found themselves fastly approaching a group of asteroids heading their way.

"Wow would you look at that, aren't the wonders of space magnificent?" asked Strangepork.

"Excuse me, but I'm wondering how we're going to avoid crashing into that thing," said Piggy.

At that moment they both realized that Link was standing behind them in a blank stare, he was thinking, he finally opened his mouth and said "The vacuu-tron thingy."

"The vacuu-tron? That thing is way too small to suck up an asteroid that big."said Piggy.

"Ah but it also an extremely powerful blow setting, we might be able to shove the asteroid off its course", explained Strangepork.

He then put on one of the vintage SLOP space suits displayed in the ship, and jumped out the hatch. He glided a few feet further, aimed, and then activated the vacuu-tron. The asteroids gradually decreased in speed and started heading in the other direction, right before colliding with Strangepork. They pulled him back in and congratulated themselves on a job well done, and for still being alive.

"Link that was an excelent idea to use the vacuu-tron."

"I have to admit it, it was," said Piggy,"Every dimwit has his day."

"There's just still one problem,"said Strangepork," How are we going to get home? None of us knows how to fly an old ship like this."

"Sure we do," said Link," You just activate the thrusters, release on the throttle, and then keep your right hand on the…."

Turns out that reading the SwineTrek manual had come in handy for Link. As he steered the ship while explaining the mechanics behind it, Strangepork and Piggy couldn't help but stand there in awe for a moment. They felt a strange mix of disbelief but also relief because there was hope that they would finally make it home.

Although they never would make it back to earth. Link fell asleep while reading the navigation section of the manual. He had no idea where he was going. They would continue to float through space for an eternity until someone came up with a better idea.


End file.
